Passing – I am Jonathan

New beginnings

It’s the end of my first week at my new job. It’s more physically demanding than my previous work – being on my feet for eight hours, constantly on the go – but I love it.

Everyone is really friendly and I’m really enjoying being ‘stealth’ – my beard is still patchy but all that does is make me look younger than I am – I am Jonathan and no one thinks any differently.

I dropped a bit of a clanger while chatting to someone during lunch. We were talking about school days and I mentioned something about when I was a little girl (duh, knobhead), one person definitely noticed but no one batted an eyelid or said anything. I need to be more careful in future – I’m not ashamed about being trans but I don’t want it to be the thing that defines me in people’s mind, I would much prefer to generally remain stealth.

Buy a Bike!

Every since we stayed in Morecambe last month, I’ve been thinking about getting a bike. I can’t believe it really because I’ve not ridden a bike for 30 years but now I’m obsessed with the idea of it and I’ve been doing the usual intensive online research.

We decided to avoid Halfords because although they’d be cheaper I really wanted to get some expert advice on how to pick the best bike for us. We went for a drive out to Charnock Richard Cycles aka Buy A Bike (presumably after the incredible success of the rather annoying but catchy jingle that has haunted north west radio listeners for years!). Supposedly the UK’s largest independent outlet, we were initially underwhelmed by the selection until we realised that it wasn’t just one showroom but a random collection of outbuildings across the site each offering a different selection of bikes.

Being able to try the bikes before selecting one was a big plus. This is the one I bought

https://www.buyabike.co.uk/base-areve-700c-gents-superlight-hybrid-bicycle.html

base_areve_superlight

Of course, I ordered it there and then despite specifically ‘only going for a look, I’m not buying anything today’. Chris was no help she was supposed to save me from myself but ended up just egging me on!

We went back the day after to look at getting something for Chris. Originally, she was going to have a go on mine first but then decided that it was just wasting time as the bikes would take a week to build before being ready to collect (not a problem because I then needed to get the boot lock repaired on the car which of course gave up the minute I wanted to get into it).

She was a bit nervous about trying the bikes in front of the guy there but he was really nice, taking the time to explain what features to look for and the differences between models.

One of the main differences is the saddle, women’s saddles are shorter and wider to support child-bearing anatomy. It was at this point things got a bit weird. Despite having chosen my bike the day before and being perfectly comfortable on it I decided I needed to try the ladies saddle ‘just in case’. I asked the bloke if I could try it, he agreed but looked at me as if I was losing the plot. It suddenly dawned on me that I was passing – he had no idea at all that I was assigned female at birth and therefore had no idea why on earth I’d be interested in trying a ladies saddle. An awkward couple of minutes followed as I hastily mumbled/explained that I had child bearing anatomy down below and just wanted to make sure I had made the best choice between the two options. I think we were both relieved when I determined that I had so we didn’t ever need speak of it again.

A little bit embarrassed but massively elated I went to the counter and finalised the order for Chris’ bike – she opted for the women’s version of my bike

base-areve-urban-sport-women

https://www.buyabike.co.uk/base-areve-700c-ladies-superlight-hybrid-bicycle.html

Although we’ve only gone for entry level hybrids, I’ve never had a new bike before and I was super excited when we went to collect them earlier today. I can’t wait to get out and about on them and of course it’s the perfect excuse to go shopping for cycling gear!

Beardy weirdy

It’s been nearly two months since I stopped shaving and I’m very pleased with the facial hair I’ve got coming through. Most people assume that I’ve started hormone therapy when in fact it’s just hirsutism as a symptom of polycystic ovary syndrome. Either way it’s definitely helping me to pass.

The only issue is that most of the growth is very soft and very blonde (and some of it is actually white/grey!). I was chatting about this to our friend Babs and she decided to have a go at colouring it in using a mascara brush and eye shadow!

Shadow beard

Obviously not a very practical thing because it’s non permanent but it gave me an impression of what I’ll look like with a beard and also a burning desire to grow one.

In the meantime I’ve bought a beard trimmer to tidy up the growth on my chin and I’ve got some Just For Men Beard and Moustache Dye to have a play with. I had a bit of a go with it last night to help define my top lip. Was expecting to have some sort of skin reaction but since the product is only on for a few minutes there was no irritation at all which is encouraging.

Out and about for the first time

I’m packing for the first time today. It’s liberating and feels so natural. It may be a little bigger than I’d imagined but it was all they had at Liverpool and I was determined not to come home empty handed.

However, packing made me realise something quite important – I’ve got NO FUCKING TROUSERS! I’ve tried on every pair of trousers that I’ve got and, except for the suit pants, all of them are inappropriate, bordering on obscene. The cut is all wrong and rather than a pleasantly modest manly bulge it looks like I’ve got a hernia.

Went to Matalan to get something more suitable. All was going well until it came to trying stuff on in the changing rooms. I went in confident but apparently it all kicked off outside with someone complaining. The female attendant was concerned there was a woman in the male changing room but Chris shut that shit down right away with “I don’t think so love, that’s my husband”. I was so proud of her but I felt incredibly guilty about putting her in the position of having to engage with strangers.